Menopause Left Me Purposeless
At 54 I ticked off a lifelong ambition when my first novel was published. You would think I was riding high, full of passion and confidence for life ahead. But I understand why a lot of women approaching the middle of their sixth decade might find motivation waning, because, despite outward appearances, I had lost my confidence and self-esteem.
I can only put it down to the menopause, which, for me started at about 51 and was peaking three years later.
Rather than a physical struggle, I found myself engaging in a mental battle, withdrawing into myself, questioning my own value and purpose. Those feelings were encapsulated in my reaction to a magazine shoot related to the publication of my novel. I looked at the pictures and thought: ‘Who is this woman?’ I saw someone frumpy and middle-aged, who had let herself go.
But when faced with those feelings you can choose to give in or you can choose to fight; I chose to fight.
Now I look in the mirror and see someone who has had a full life, who hasn’t let a number define her. I’m grateful that photoshoot gave me a kick up the a***!
At 55, I took on Sport Relief’s Famously Unfit challenge, completing a gruelling Tough Guy endurance event. Having puffed my way through 5K distances at 54, now at 58 I’ll pop out and run 16K. Yesterday I plunged into the brisk waters of the English Channel for a swim with some female friends, all of a similar age.
I didn’t lose my motivation at 54, I found it!
